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Home » Meeting the challenges: Biden and Harris

Meeting the challenges: Biden and Harris

The New Neo Posted on by

At today’s press conference, President Biden discussed the uneasy situation in Ukraine and issued a challenge to President Putin:

You know, Putin’s been in charge of Russia one way or the other since 1999. That’s almost as long as I’ve been around.

And he’s not so young, either. His days of riding around on a horse without his shirt on are over. I could still do it, you know. I’m mighty fit, and I used to be a jockey and once sat on Secretariat back in my prime. But I knew enough to keep my shirt on.

Now that coward, that bully, that wimp Vladimir Putin is attacking a country much smaller than Russia. I say to him, why don’t you pick on someone your own size, huh? Oh, I know, I know – you’re the biggest country in the world. You must think Russia’s a big f***ing deal.

Well, let me tell you, size isn’t everything. Russia’s a punk country, and you’re a punk. I can do more pushups than you. And I say if you’re so big, Russia, why ain’t you rich?

Then Biden turned on his heel and walked out, refusing to answer any questions and leaving analysts reeling. What would be Putin’s reaction?

Some pundits quickly opined that Biden’s harangue was a stroke of brilliance, and that he set the perfect tone to challenge the strident Putin. Tit for tat. Later, Nancy Pelosi delivered some remarks of her own in which she asked the rhetorical question, “Can you imagine what Trump, Putin’s puppet, would have done? And we all know that Trump can’t do a single pushup.”

In other news, Kamala Harris is due to appear tomorrow night on Saturday Night Live. Rumor has it that she’s going to do Al Franken’s old bit as Stuart Smalley.

Kamala’s got the starry-eyed smile, and she’s got the Daily Affirmations. In fact, she’s got a coloring book of affirmations entitled, Leadership Looks Like Me.

Such a relief that the adults are in charge.

Comments

Meeting the challenges: Biden and Harris — 41 Comments

  3. Biden’s actual speech, “ugh ugh, where is my paper? Geez get, get that over here so I can see Putin’s face…What where is we’re…”

  4. Not to stoke your ego too much neo, but literally my first thought upon waking was, “I can’t wait to see what neo has posted today.”

    Well done, as always! Now it’s off to the fields to gather the spaghetti crop for tonight’s dinner. The wife and I are eating early because we have tickets to see Sidd Finch pitch in the Mets home opener!

  5. Related (but alas, no joke):…
    “White House: ‘Early’ Trans Surgeries, Hormones Are ‘Crucial’ For Kids, Teens Who Identify As Trans”—
    https://blazingcatfur.ca/2022/03/31/white-house-early-trans-surgeries-hormones-are-crucial-for-kids-teens-who-identify-as-trans/

    And another joker (who belongs behind bars)…
    ‘Fauci Flashback: “The Most Potent Vaccination Is Getting Infected Yourself”‘—
    https://www.zerohedge.com/covid-19/fauci-flashback-most-potent-vaccination-getting-infected-yourself

    (…along with his rancid pals…):
    ‘“This Shouldn’t Happen”: Inside The Virus-Hunting Nonprofit At The Center Of The Lab-Leak Controversy’—
    https://blazingcatfur.ca/2022/03/31/this-shouldnt-happen-inside-the-virus-hunting-nonprofit-at-the-center-of-the-lab-leak-controversy/

  6. It is a good thing “Macho Man” was not playing in the background when I read that .

  7. The wife and I are eating early because we have tickets to see Sidd Finch pitch in the Mets home opener!

    Are the Mets going to be playing the terror team from Ohio, the Cleveland Guardians? And which New Yawker is going to throw the ceremonial first pitch? Bill de Blasio? One of the Cuomo brothers? Or the Dowager Empress of Chappaqua? (Oops, I forgot– she claimed at one time to be a Yankees fan . . . )

    Meanwhile, just be sure to have a side of scrambled double-yolked eggs with your spaghetti dinner, and enjoy the game!

  10. Maybe there will be an intramural football/baseball game between the Cleveland Guardians and the Washington Commanders. God, we live in a limp-wristed world these days.

  11. Every day is April Fools with joke bidet and Cackling Kamala running the show.

    Pretty much any contemporaneous comment from joke Bidet and ALL of Cackling Kamala’s can be a used as an April Fools spoof.

  16. It’s been a while since we’ve had a president who didn’t make you do a double take after reading these April Fool’s Day posts.

  18. I saw a notice saying something like:
    April Fool’s Day is cancelled this year.
    No prank can top the idiocy of our current Administration

  19. The essence of a good April Fool’s joke is to start with entirely believable premises and stretch them to the cusp of incredulity.

    Neo’s joke fulfilled that essence perfectly. It is completely believeable; outrageous, yes, but Sundowner is outrageous. I had no doubts about it (and I tend to attentive to April Fool’s jokes) until I saw the comments

  21. }}} That’s almost as long as I’ve been around.

    Where? His local kindergarten??

    The man’s entire career has been in politics. 20y is a fraction of his time in Federal office. He’s been in the Senate since 1973, FFS.

    What kind of idiot would not be aware of this?

  24. I forgot the date for a minute…. I was thinking that Ol’ Joe had hired the Babylon Bee to write his speeches.

    That was excellent. You could not immediately dismiss it.

  25. DANG! You got me! You really got me. This reply was originally going to include a request that you “correct” the post to include a link to the block quote from the “press conference.” Then I read the other comments. (The missing link should have been the clue.) Well done. I needed a laugh like that today.

  28. Watt:

    Biden is easy to parody. You just take reality, and then stretch it a teeny tiny bit.

  31. @ Watt > “The missing link should have been the clue.”

    That was the clincher for me, because the post itself is entirely plausible.

    “His days of riding around on a horse without his shirt on are over.”
    Of course, the real Biden would have called Putin a dog faced pony soldier.

  32. The only good news today, so far, is that the Ohio appeals court upheld the Gibson Bakery judgement against Oberlin College.An employee tried to stop a shoplifting black student. The college tried to drive the family business under. The trial court awarded huge damages, as well as punitive damages.

    The behavior of the officials involved is a strong indication that Oberlin is run by people whose arrogance is truly pathological.

  36. The Babylon Bee has been unsuspended from Twitter after posting this apology on Friday.

    https://twitter.com/SethDillon/status/1509925042162999301
    “I want to personally apologize to everyone we harmed when we misgendered this brave, beautiful woman. I’ll be stepping away from my role as CEO of the Bee for a time to reflect on why we got this wrong and how we can do better.”

    https://babylonbee.com/news/rachel-levine-is-100-woman-and-we-are-sorry-for-calling-her-a-man

    We, The Babylon Bee, have decided to issue an apology. After being caught in a culture-war whirlwind of hatred and bigotry, we published an article naming Rachel Levine our “Man of the Year.” Sometimes, even satirists make mistakes.

    Our misgendering headline was hateful, insensitive, and cruel. Rachel Levine is 100% a real, actual woman. We were absolutely wrong to say otherwise. We understand now that our attempt at comedy was really “punching down” at a wealthy and powerful government trans woman official, and we have no excuse. We went too far.

    We apologize to the trans community. We apologize to the women community, of whom Rachel Levine is clearly a part—and has been since her birth. We hope to take this opportunity to learn, grow, and be better as satirists—and as human beings.

    So we invite our readers to say it with us, loudly and proudly, and with all the strength and goodness of 1000 kindergarten teachers in Florida trying to teach 5-year-olds about sex:

    Rachel Levine is a powerful, beautiful woman.

    Whatever that is.

  37. AesopFan,

    That is so brilliant! Doing it on April Fool’s Day, no less.

    The folks running the Babylon Bee are very, very clever.

  38. }}} OBloody:

    April 1st.

    Poetic license.

    I know… but it does sound like some BS he’d try and claim.

  40. Presstitution is a good word.

    We need better words for trans folk. So Rachel, born wrongly with XY genes, rejects being a man. Still, without ovaries & a womb & a first menstruation in her early teens, she’s not a female. She’s a quasi-woman, a q’woman.

    Q’she can walk & chew gum at the same time, tho perhaps q’her commander in chief no longer can.

    Elliot Page, a real q’man, born Ellen as an XX person, rejects q’his female birth sex, and q’he has even had pictures showing q’his top.

    On Spanish language TV:
    https://tuul.tv/es/noticias/elliot-page-aparecio-traje-bano-tras-retirarse-senos

    It’s already April 2 – so this is a genuine idea on new pronouns for those who reject the gender roles of their birth sex.

    Unfortunately, they’re slightly mentally unstable. They are unlikely to be happier, on average, a couple years after their surgery.

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