The offending shoe
Have you noticed how many people seem to have adopted the custom of asking all visitors to their homes to take off their shoes?
I’ve been seeing more and more of this in recent years, and it always bugs me. Maybe it shouldn’t—after all, a person has a right to make the rules in his or her home, and if you don’t like it, tough. And I understand it if the weather is bad—muddy, for example—and the shoes are obviously messy in some way.
But as a general rule? It makes it difficult for people like me, who have nerve damage in their feet. In my case it’s from my back injury, but it’s also true of many diabetics (a rather numerous bunch), the elderly, and other random assorted people. If your feet are messed up in some way, it can be painful to walk without shoes, or even (as in my case) without your own carefully selected and nicely broken in shoes.
The pile of assorted slippers the no-shoes crowd kindly provides is not a good substitute. First of all, I wear a very small size that they usually don’t have, and their slippers swim and flop on my feet. Secondly, slippers aren’t comfortable for me in general and I never wear them, even at home.
This fad for no shoes has spread even—or maybe especially—to airbnbs, as you’ll see if you look in the “rules” section for each rental. Some vacation!
And no, most of the people trying to enforce this are not of Japanese origin, where it’s a tradition to remove shoes and where people also used to generally use the floor as furniture.
The rationale here in the US seems to be that it’s more sanitary not to have shoes on the floor. But really, how many people do want to eat off the floor? Do the same people not allowing shoes in the house also refuse to have any pets that walk outside and also walk around in the house (or in some cases, sleep in the owner’s bed)? And how sanitary do they think socks are?
I have some backup for my point of view:
“In general, the concern with shoes ‘tracking germs’ is very misplaced,” says Dr. Amesh A. Adalja, a board-certified infectious disease physician at Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security. This is largely in part due to the icky fact that our home and very bodies are already crawling with germs and microbes.
“There may be aesthetic reasons to remove shoes if they’re soiled with mud or animal feces, but there are just as many bacteria on socks or bare feet,” adds Adalja.
It just seems to me that demanding shoe removal is a way to inconvenience people and the benefits aren’t especially great. And for me, it’s more than an inconvenience. I’ve been stopped at thresholds by the request and had to think about how long I will stay, how much I will sit and how much I will stand or walk, and whether it’s worth it to me to be in discomfort or perhaps pain in order to comply, and if I should speak up or not.
Sometimes I have simply refused and politely explained why, which results in one of those awkward moments when there’s a pause while the host considers whether to refuse me entrance or whether to give me a pass on shoe removal. But even if the person says it’s alright for me to go inside with my offensive shoes still on my poor old feet, then I end up feeling like some sort of pariah.
I hope the fad doesn’t spread any further, but I have a hunch it will.
You, and every other guest to my home, are welcome to keep your shoes on when visiting. 🙂
My mother-in-law insists that we leave our shoes at the door at her house on the Cape, mainly in an attempt to minimize the amount of sand that is tracked in. This is not in my experience over the past 30+ years effective.
My wife of 50 years is Filipino, and we have ALWAYS requested that guests remove their shoes upon passing the threshold of our front door.
We never wear shoes in our home, and if we have been walking the city streets (in LA), my wife ensures that our shoe soles are WASHED with the garden hose before we approach the threshold of our front door.
Shoe soles pick up lots of nasty stuff from the public streets. If shoes are worn inside the home, that stuff is ultimately tracked throughout the house, second hand.
Our pets have been feline, and never were allowed outside of the house. They had free run throughout our two story abode, and never had fleas, ticks or parasites because they never touched paw to earth.
And we buy hospital shoe slipcovers by the gross to provide to home appliance service people when they do have to wear shoes when they are inside our home.
Not wearing shoes in homes is Asian etiquette, and has spread throughout CA. Home appliance service people are accustomed to removing shoes or using shoe covers (they even carry their own, but we prefer they use ours rather than ones that have been used in service calls to other homes).
Sorry neo, but this phenomenon is definitely spreading throughout the West Coast. If you must have special shoes for special medical needs, I suggest you do as we do and buy a box of hospital grade (i.e., bottoms are non-slip) disposable shoe covers.
Here is a set you can buy (50 pairs for $11), in pink and blue:
https://www.amazon.com/Disposable-Opret-Non-Slip-Recyclable-Protectors/dp/B07PBD47WM/ref=sr_1_37?keywords=shoe+covers&qid=1562875427&s=gateway&sr=8-37
edward:
I understand that it’s a cultural tradition with some groups of people. And of course, you and your wife are free to make your own rules for your own home.
But the idea that it’s protecting you from dangerous germs just doesn’t seem to have scientific backing. There is no way to do that.
Also, those shoe covers are slippery and can be dangerous on uncarpeted floors. Thanks for the suggestion, though. I may keep some in the car, just in case.
steve walsh:
I can certainly understand the desire to keep sand out of a beach house. Sand gets in everywhere!
But it’s interesting that the no-shoes policy doesn’t seem to work for that purpose. My guess is that it’s because sand does get all over a person. Even (or maybe especially) in hair.
My former brother-in-law required shoe removal. He was a demon on the topic. Total loser and my sister is now rid of him after a horrible divorce.
Cornhead:
She gets custody of the shoes; he gets the slippers.
This is definitely spreading and it is weird for sure. Just plain strange to be with a bunch of well dressed people all in their stocking feet. But even worse at events with wide range of people from kids to elderly in solidly middle class homes. Newsflash, your house ain’t that nice people.
You are welcome in my home any day, and you can wear your shoes.
We have the rule, too, but not for guests.
We employ the rule because we have hardwood floors and a fairly expensive rug. We remove our shoes to prevent wear. In particular, you commonly have abrasive material embedded in the bottom of our shoes that would scratch it. (We had to have the floors redone because the previous owners had dogs, and the dogs gouged the surface of the wood.)
The rule to remove shoes seems to be very common with millenials. A common theme I’ve noticed in many millenials is to remove toxins from their environment. They eat organic foods. The employ “organic” methods to control household pests. They avoid lawns or public spaces that use fertilizers. Many won’t bring packages into the house: they open the Amazon boxes in the garage. The millenials I know clearly feel that the outside of the shoes may have toxic chemicals on them, and removing shoes reduces the exposure to those inside the house.
To be fair the first time I ever remember this was about 40 years ago when I was a kid and one of my best friends mom was super obsessive about this. I was terrified to go to his house out of fear of making some sort of mistake. They were friends and colleagues of my dad and he flat out refused to take his shoes off at their house.
kevino:
You are quite right, I think, about the fact that it’s more common among millennials. And it does seem to be part of an effort to make their lives free of chemicals and what they consider toxins. But I just don’t see how that can be done. Life is a messy business.
They are probably all going to need fecal transplants at some point because they have damaged their microbiome.
“Watch out where the huskies go and don’t you eat that yellow snow.”
“We have the rule, too, but not for guests.” [Kevino @ 4:27 pm]
You reminded me of a discussion that Tony Randall had years ago on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. The discussion was about not visiting each other and Carson said he didn’t visit Tony Randall because he couldn’t smoke in Randall’s house (Randall being apparently a rabid non-smoker). Randall replied that of course Carson could smoke in his house. Carson was surprised and said so and asked Randall to explain. Randall noted that,as the host, it was his job to accommodate his guests. So, if a guest smoked, his hosting duties required that he provide his guest with an ash tray and permitted him to smoke. Randall finished up his explanation by saying that he expected Carson, as a host, would likewise accommodate Randall as a guest and not smoke in his presence even if in his own home.
And interesting reversal in how one might see the no shoes policy, and a point of view that is, IMO. valid in its own right.
expat:
They will have to have their heads moved first, and what about cultural appropriation factor?
Not much fitted for frontier life, these hot-house plant, show removing sorts.
Maybe they have no conception of dividing the living spaces of the house into parts that are more public, and parts that are more private. You know and maybe mopping the kitchen floor after the cocktail guests spill over into it.
Geez. Talk about no sense of boundaries and impertinence.
Would you seriously invite someone to dinner and ask them to enter the dining room with their goddamned shoes off? Invite them into the parlor for coffee, but sans shoes?
Effen pathetic. If you’re going to visit neurotic maiden aunt Sally’s, and you can’t be bothered to wear boots through the February slush, then maybe a pair of specially purposed moccasins in your pocket would satisfy her?
If not, let her socialize with her cats.
I lived in Minnesota during the 1980’s for three years and it was not unusual for guests to remove shoes and leave then in the entry way when coming into a home. Of course the snow and mud might be part of that and we usually did the socks on our feet in our house so it was not a problem to do that in others.
Even though I am an old man, in my 70’s I go barefoot in my home, patio and backyard being careful where I step and trying to keep my dog deposits picked up. At the same time my wife puts her shoes on anytime she is out of the bed except when she showers and cleans up because that way she is more comfortable. Some of our grown kids do more shoes off in their homes that others and mostly we don’t care and in my case wearing cowboy boots most of the time I would just as soon not remove them but I will if that is the custom of the house. Kind of a whatever !
The only time I’ve ever been asked to remove my shoes indoors is for the foot-washing ritual in church on Maundy Thursday. But then I don’t live on the Left Coast.
What if it’s raining or snowing outside? Keeping shoes on tracks water all over the house.
I’m Canadian, and up here it seems to be pretty normal to take shoes off. But it might just be habit from winter to avoid tracking melting snow all over.
In Europe sidewalks have excessive dog excrement. Would you want somebody to track that into your home?
The other place where this is common is in Canada where winter boots are caked with snow. In summer this is just a continuation of the habit from winter.
Another reason is common use of cork flooring which require high heels to be removed.
LOL That’s a flexible, relaxed, generous, and possibly a more charitable attitude than I have. And as a real Texan, as opposed to a mere sojourner there as was I, possibly more indicative of general attitudes there.
This would not apply to your contexts of family no doubt, but there’s something about a barefooted male moving into my presence that signals offense in my mind, or an intolerable presumption and informality, at least. And it kind of triggers hostility in return: As in, ‘How dare this son-of-a- … put his damned feet virtually – even at ten paces – in my face!
Ah … boundaries …
Entirely in sympathy with you on this, Neo. It bugs the heck out of me, too, to be required to remove my shoes when I enter someone’s home. I’m not at all surprised to hear it’s “spreading across the West Coast.” A lot of other undesirable things are spreading across the West Coast, too. Makes me all the more glad I moved to another part of the country.
We don’t wear shoes in the house, other than house shoes in the winter. But we don’t ask guests to remove their shoes.
RE: neo: “Life is a messy business.”
Very true, but it’s about reducing exposure. I’m sure that if I used a mass spectrometer, I’m sure that there is a higher probability of detecting chemicals on my shoes than on my socks. They’re probably right. Is it a significant health risk? Heavens no.
Still, I won’t say that someone’s religious ritual is foolish. I just take my shoes off. After all, they’ve read studies on the internet about … (sigh) One of these families doesn’t have Christmas lights inside the house because the lights have heavy metals! [So does that mobile phone you hold in your hand all day; so does all the other brightly colored plastic crap made in China.]
RE: T: “Randall noted that,as the host, it was his job to accommodate his guests.”
Thank you for that. How very true.
Neo: You are correct, the sand isn’t only on the shoes! We (my Mom-in-law) briefly had a “hose off your legs and feet rule” but then water was tracked in! We never experimented with a rule of hosing off the legs and feet, removing the shoes, and drying the legs and feet – I think she understood that would reduce family visits.
If people are visiting your house on a social occasion, are they not presumably wearing newer footwear?
If they have traveled through slush and snow, wouldn’t they have boots or galoshes to leave in the foyer?
Who wants to meet unshod people at the hors d’oeuvres board, and then sit across from them as they wriggle their stocking – or worse – feet around a yard or two from your plate?
Nobody is going to wear their stockyard boots into a party anyway.
Now, if your local streets are covered in human excrement, “‘Frisco”, or your yard is so full of dog poop that incautious visitors will inevitably be tracking it into your living room – should you be so broadminded to as allow anyone into “precious land in the first place” – then, I would say that the real problem is much bigger than an issue of shoes or no shoes per se.
This thread cracks me up, it’s so “out there” and alien even in its premise.
Here in Minnesota it is common practice to not wear shoes in the house. It seemed odd to me when I first moved here almost 40 years ago but now I am used to it and it makes sense to me. I now feel uncomfortable when I visit friends or family out of state and everyone is walking around indoors with their shoes on!
DNW:
> If people are visiting your house on a social occasion, are they not presumably wearing newer footwear?
Obviously not if the butler didn’t have time to break-in the new shoes. John Lobb shoes will last forever with regular resoling so “new” shoes are rare. Plus, why would you wear “newest footwear” instead of the proper footwear when visiting?
Ok, insofar as youthful, healthy, sexy and very attractive women go, then as the evening wears on, we probably should make an exception for them out of concern for their comfort and relaxation. I can now see how your attitude just might be reasonable in those cases …
Everyone else keeps their shoes on.
That was once a common custom in the rural gulf coast south.
As in “Kick your shoes off and come on in.” Notice the order it is said in. Shoes were left on the porch. Minnie Pearl might have said that on Hee-Haw.
RohanV:
You write: “What if it’s raining or snowing outside? Keeping shoes on tracks water all over the house. ”
In my post I already wrote, “And I understand it if the weather is bad—muddy, for example—and the shoes are obviously messy in some way.” So I’ve covered that.
But I will add that if it’s raining or snowing outside, obviously your shoes have actually gotten a good cleaning. So they’re less dirty than ever, except when new.
In addition, that’s what door mats and little rugs at the entryway are for. I live in New England and there’s plenty of rain and plenty of snow, and I have never tracked water into someone’s home if they have the usual mat or mats at the entrance way.
And of course people are welcome to take their own shoes off in their own homes any time they want, and I have no quarrel with them. In fact, till I hurt my back and got my foot problem, I almost never wore shoes in my own house. But that was because I was comfortable that way, not because I had some problem with shoes in the home in general.
Don’t know John Lobb, Good point anyway, Andy.
But … I wrote “newer” not newest, and I specified a social occasion, and not a communal toke at the kitchen table of the doublewide, which the first to be married in our circle got.
But hey, it’s social and it’s an occasion, so maybe it qualifies as a social occasion, or at least an occasion during which the participants can be said to be socializing.
But the question remains “What is the proper footwear to wear as a guest to the holiday dining table?” I am unable to offer an all encompassing rule; but it probably should be something which by offering sufficient coverage, is likely to contribute the least distress and loss of appetite to those who find themselves in proximity to you.
As for the butler breaking in one’s shoes, it is my understanding that shoes which are likely to be purchased by those who can afford to keep such help, need no breaking in.
Even a traditional pair of double oak sole brogues made by Alden or Allen Edmonds, won’t need breaking in, much less dress “slippers” worn by the kind of people who employ butlers.
I have enough to do just to pay an office secretary.
Neo:
Here is a solution to your shoe predicament. When tradespeople enter homes in Scotland they cannot remove their shoes due to safety regulations so they wear these. Just carry them around when you visit.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/BLACKSPUR-BB-DS154-SHOE-COVERS-DISPOSABLE/dp/B005YPULHI
No need to bring them when you visit me. I will ensure that I have plenty in stock for you!
DNW:
You are correct about dinner slippers. If you are going to go that route I suggest this as the place to order the bespoke slippers. When you order them, tell them you don’t want them in velvet, their usual fabric of choice, but instead will send them cashmere fabric so that they are wearable from day one.
https://www.shipton.com/smoking-slippers/special-motif-slippers
I supervise a unit at the Department of Water and Power that visits customer homes on request to check out any issues with water quality. On occasion, a customer will ask the inspector to remove or cover his or her shoes before entering the house.
So I got a bag of clean-room style shoe covers to divide among my staff.
It seems to me, someone who really doesn’t want guests tracking stuff into the home could go onto Amazon and make the same purchase I did. (And I have encountered one customer who actually had a supply of shoe covers of her own. That one I took seriously.)
Mr Whatsit recently did some construction work in a basement for a homeowner who required him and his partner to remove their boots each time they walked across her kitchen as they went back and forth between the basement and their tools and supplies outdoors. It was only a few feet, the weather was fine and they would gladly have put down newspapers or contractor’s paper to protect her floor. But no! Boots off at the door each time –lace up work boots, mind you – a few steps in socks across the kitchen, then boots back on at the top of the basement steps, and the same thing in reverse on the way out, every time. Plus, Mr W said the floor was neither new nor particularly clean. It struck me as more of a power play than anything to do with cleanliness. He won’t be doing any work in that house again!
We generally take off our shoes at home, but for comfort, not cleanliness, and we don’t ask it of guests. And if I have work to do indoors, I generally put shoes on first, even for work at my desk. I find that I feel more put together and productive in shoes.
Well, correct at least insofar as my noting that those persons employing butlers, are unlikely to be buying the kind of shoes that need to be “broken in”, by, presumably, a butler.
I’m not going that route, nor the route of “men’s dress/opera pumps”, nor even the route of patent leather.
I don’t even like Balmoral oxfords, preferring a blucher substitute [“Derby”, sort of, in your island’s talk] anytime I can get away with it. Which is almost always.
Now that I think about the term “Darby”, I have not seen an English style Derby shoe – with those prominent metal eyelet grommets on the topside – since I was a small boy and we wore them as a matter of course to school. Seems to me they had a kind of grainy matte polish finish. Maybe.
LOL Well, thanks, but not for me. I’ll pass the suggestion along to David Niven’s corpse, though.
My house is lite version of a no-shoes house. We aren’t fanatic about it, and we will wear our shoes if we are doing work where it makes sense. But we generally go barefoot or with socks. It’s just more comfortable. Guests are not required to take off their shoes, but when they see the shoes on the shelf at the door, they normally do.
JUST A steaming pile of BS pretentiousness on the part of this society of phonies that we’ve become. Backed by blather about this or that dirtiness. That’s all garbage that they’ve talked themselves into and slather on the rest without regard for any thing other than their own selfish narcissistic “lifestyle.”
That’s just the rationalization of people who like nothing better than any chance to tell other people what to do, especially if they are the poseurs’ family, friends, or guests who don’t get to have a comeback.
Just more crapola from “a botched civilization.”
I have a friend who is all about having people take off shoes right inside the front door. I finally came up with the strategy of bringing my own shoes that are never worn outside and changing into them once in her house. Not difficult to pick up a pair of whatever on clearance sale. Of course, this life-long friend appears to be no longer speaking to me because she knows that I’ve become a crazy far-right monster (eyes now rolling out of my head) so it’s probably moot.
My granddaughter and others who have cats that are never let outdoors, are ignoring the fact that most cats use a box as a toilet and tend to track the little bits of the litter all over the house. Yuck!
I have known cats who do use the toilet, some trained themselves, but most are trained to it. I wouldn’t have the patience. Anyway, in my granddaughter’s case I know they have a litter box.
She is now an MD and I could appreciate her concern about germs if it weren’t for the three cats. I like cats but I know what they do.
It’s interesting; upon reflection, I think my default thought is to assume, when entering someone else’s house, that I should take off the shoes. And I can pinpoint exactly why this is, I think: chess.
You see, over those numerous years when I was running a sideline as a chess coach locally, the vast majority of my students were from either Indian or Chinese families. (Interestingly, even the one family of whom I have fond memories, the father of which was Turkish and the mother American, also left shoes at the door.) Thus, when I was out visiting other people’s houses, almost all the time it was connected with a chess lesson – therefore, I was typically visiting a household in which it was customary to remove shoes. I think it must have sunk in as a habit, such that I’ve long since taken the same approach in my own domicile.
I am with the Japan crowd. Also every American door needs to have that shoe depression where people sit on a porch like surface.
I don’t really detect a difference between indoor shoes and outdoor shoes, other than the fact that indoor shoes are easier to take off and are easier to clean.
This was mostly to avoid tracking in mud and other stuff that is hard to clean. The Japanese are kind of clean freaks, like some other Asians are. One would have to be that way, given the population density.
I think Americans might use a hybrid setup. Certain rooms need to be kept cleaner than others. Carpets are harder to clean than hardwood. Ideally, outdoor shoes should be kept in a section of the in/out door, with an easy to replace set of indoor shoes right below a depression or elevated seating surface. But this can also be bifurcated to every room in the house. I don’t use my indoor or outdoor shoes inside my hardwood room. Besides, the quartz crystals and the wood serves as a neutralizing ground that is better for health and quantum Willpower effects.
A common theme I’ve noticed in many millenials is to remove toxins from their environment. They eat organic foods. The employ “organic” methods to control household pests. They avoid lawns or public spaces that use fertilizers. Many won’t bring packages into the house: they open the Amazon boxes in the garage. The millenials I know clearly feel that the outside of the shoes may have toxic chemicals on them, and removing shoes reduces the exposure to those inside the house.
It’s cause most of them are what you might call alien parasites living inside human hosts.
Ymar, just above:
Caustic. Very caustic. 😆
kevino on July 11, 2019 at 4:27 pm said:
…
The rule to remove shoes seems to be very common with millenials. A common theme I’ve noticed in many millenials is to remove toxins from their environment. …The millenials I know clearly feel that the outside of the shoes may have toxic chemicals on them, and removing shoes reduces the exposure to those inside the house.
* * *
It’s curious that millenials and other toxophobes are also part of the cohort supporting allowing homeless people to befoul their cities. Maybe they know what’s on their shoes.
T on July 11, 2019 at 5:05 pm said:
… Randall noted that,as the host, it was his job to accommodate his guests. So, if a guest smoked, his hosting duties required that he provide his guest with an ash tray and permitted him to smoke. Randall finished up his explanation by saying that he expected Carson, as a host, would likewise accommodate Randall as a guest and not smoke in his presence even if in his own home.
* * *
So, Randall’s rule was – do what we want in our own homes, but host yields to guest’s desires, going both directions. The people that draw the most complaints seem to have the more unidirctional rule – do what you want in your own home, do what I want in my home, and do what I want in your home when I visit.
RigelDog on July 11, 2019 at 8:51 pm said:
…I finally came up with the strategy of bringing my own shoes that are never worn outside and changing into them once in her house.
* * *
This is what I do wherever possible, because I am not comfortable barefoot or in socks, even at home. I keep a bag with the “clean” shoes in the car or handy by the door. With family, I keep a pair at their homes.
Ymarsakar on July 11, 2019 at 9:59 pm said:
I think Americans might use a hybrid setup. Certain rooms need to be kept cleaner than others.
* * *
This.
We are much stricter about no shoes or houseshoes in the bedrooms and more private spaces; less strict in the visitor spaces. Then clean them more often.
The sitting shelf is a good idea too; we have a bench seat right inside the front door, but often take off our shoes on the porch — just like back home in the Great State of Texas.
They can always just insist that visitors walk on their hands. Of course after using hand sanitizer, because everyone knows how many germs people have on their hands.
It’s not only Japan (thought Japan is the most known case because of . It’s a traditional use in Scandinavian countries. In Finland, first thing you do when you enter a house (any house) is taking your shoes off. Same thing with Sweden, at least, the old Sweden, the one that had Swedish.
Didn’t used to think much about shoes in the house one way or another. My mother was a freak about splinters, so we always wore shoes.
But now I’m of two minds since the time someone wore spike heels in my house that were so sharp she punched holes in the old wood floor.
And another time a woman’s knee high boots rubbed black shoe polish along the cream colored sofa.
But, then there is the issue of my dear husband’s toenail fungus, which is horrible, super contagious and apparently incurable. He grew up encouraged to go barefoot and I think that’s how he acquired it.
The rule to remove shoes seems to be very common with millenials. A common theme I’ve noticed in many millenials is to remove toxins from their environment.
While surfing the web, I’ve noticed a millenial concern about bars of soap, as in who knows what might be left over on the soap bar from the last person who used it to clean who knows what anatomical parts.
So. Liquid soap. Much better.
Obviously the many commenters who see no probs with shoe removal have no nerve damage to their feet. As a type 2 diabetic I was warned to never walk barefoot or in just socks. I mostly ignored that and was lucky for about 12 years. Then I got foot ulcers on both heels. After 5 months of treatment I am mostly healed and in less danger of amputation but let me tell you; I will never remove my custom made diabetic shoes for anyone. My feet are too important. I may lose some friends but then again, they probably would not have carried me around after the amputations anyway.
An ethnic Norwegian mother (from Minnesota), American Japanese friends and neighbors while growing up in Southern California and then 40 years in Hawaii. I literally seize up at the prospect of crossing the threshold into a home without removing my shoes. Like it’s a crime or something! I’ve thoroughly internalized the custom and it’s automatic. And boy have I gotten some funny looks when I’ve begun to take my shoes off at some Mainland front door.
Still, I sympathize with your issue, Neo. I’ve had chronic plantar fascitis in my left heel for a few years and now wear a (very clean) old pair of running shoes in the house. But just my house.
My Ghod!
This shoe post certainly has legs …..
One other thing I don’t think has been said: am I the only one that is not willing to wear someone else’s slippers? Who knows what sort of nastiness lurks in there!
I’m with you. I have high arches, and I need the support. I walked around barefoot all the time when I was a kid, but it’s not comfortable now. Indoors I usually wear either Merrell sandals or slippers I found that have arch support.
A friend of mine in California has this rule, at both of her houses (she’s no millennial! nor is she Asian; she just has nice floors, and good feet, apparently). I take off my shoes when I visit but I put on clean sandals or slippers (I have some slippers with good arch support). She is a reasonable person and understands my perspective.
The first time I learned about this policy was when I rented her place (the one out of town) for a big party. I was surprised to see a sign saying no shoes indoors. I called her up and said that’s not going to work for me, and I’m not going to enforce it on my guests. She explained her concern and we compromised — pebbles caught in the bottom of a shoe will scratch the floor (it is hardwood, and black — not very practical!), so for anyone who didn’t want to take off their shoes (some people were fine with it) I just checked them and removed any pebbles that were sticking out.
I understand the no-shoes perspective, but I think it’s important for people to understand that some feet really do need the support.
Never heard of such a thing either. If you want to do it on your own fine. Or better, enter the house from one of the doors that leads from the attached garage, or the mud room, or a foyer entrance door and keep a pair of leather mocs or boat shoes or something in the entry was closet.
Maybe I just don’t get the way some other people choose to live; or especially how they choose to “socialize” … if you can call such a wary and cost counting behavior “socializing”
Whatever the hell they are doing, I certainly would not call their neurotic exercise in opening their doors to admit others, by the name “hospitality”.
And these are supposedly “liberal minded” young persons by and large? Yeah tattoos, piercings, and STDs, but man, that 1/4″ thick pre-finished wood applique flooring in the kitchen just gleams!
Geez, get linoleum in the kitchen and a life along with it. Carpet the oak flooring in the living room and dining room if you need to protect it for a few years. That way you can vacuum up the horrible grit uncle Steve’s dress shoes gathered as he walked up the driveway to your front door last holiday.
I’m just trying to picture Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner with the relatives here. Or Christenings and graduation celebrations … your house full of people drinking and chatting in the living room and the dining room and family room and other spaces such as a basement rec room, where the rambunctious kids are usually sent … and it just doesn’t compute.
Neither does it make sense during a dinner party with say 3 or 4 other couples. Not even a casual one. Not even one that starts on the patio by the grill and moves indoors later.
Well, so many lives; so then, just as many habits.
Ok.
Rather than criticizing, allow me to be constructive.
My recommendation: https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/23723?page=men-s-leather-double-sole-slippers-leather-lined&bc=474-629-503380&feat=503380-GN3&csp=f&attrValue_0=Brown
Available in bison hide too.
Or you can go to Orvis and pay more for more.
Problem solved.
Interesting. I live in Hawaii and always have. You absolutely remove your shoes before entering a house. No local person would think of not doing so. Even handymen, plumbers, and other trades do it.
That said, I completely agree with the Tony Randall anecdote above. I would never require it of a guest. Neo, if you want to leave your shoes on you are welcome to do so. E komo mai!
Recently there are numerous lifestyle articles about this topic. From all the comments there, one would think people remove shoes, have always removed shoes and not removing shoes is an abomination.
Could it be a deliberate social media gaslighting campaign? Because, only once in my memory, while house hunting, have I ever seen anyone request people remove their shoes, and that was because the floors were freshly refinished.
Larry leaves his shoes on.
Esther:
You are fortunate, then. I’ve certainly seen it. It’s particularly common among young adults. Very very common. And more common on the west coast than the east, although I’ve seen it quite a few times where I live, and some of the practitioners are my age.
It’s definitely a thing, as you will see if you read this new post of mine.
The shoe! The shoe!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ka9mfZbTFbk
This whole shoe thing seems so pretentious. And psychotic.
First, I wouldn’t dream of telling someone to take their shoes off in my house. Its rude. Beyond the pale rude. You don’t treat guests that way. Its. Just. not. Done.
Second, any home I have ever gone to where someone commands that I remove my shoes before stepping into the home has never been as clean as they would like to believe it is. Additionally, of all those I have known who expected the shoes to come off (with one exception) they tend to be boorish in other areas as well. The type of people who also mistreat servers at restaurants and cashiers at the grocery store. It all seems related to me.
Malignant narcissism. It all about them and their floors. FFS.
I generally don’t wear shoes at home here in Seattle, but if I have guests coming over I’ll put on a pair when I meet them at the door. I’ve found it makes my guests more comfortable.
When I lived in Minnesota, I generally removed my shoes upon entering a home (especially mine) when the ground was snowy (Winter) or muddy (Spring & Summer, most of Fall) but during a dry October I would remain shod with abandon.
Interesting the range (and passion) of the comments.
I was first introduced to the concept when my mother replaced her living room carpet… with white carpet. The idea was to reduce the stains, not germs. And it was something pristine and beautiful to behold, until a wine glass or dinner plate or two went over the wrong way. I think the next carpet’s scheduled to be dull brown.
I’ve always followed the no-shoe model in my own house. I’m comfortable in stocking feet, and it’s a nice transition ritual to come home and remove one’s shoes. It does track less dirt, mud, and dog poop into the house.
I would say the spread on the west coast is less a purification thing than just due to having closer ties to Asia than most of the US has. More business contacts, more vacations, more immigrants. Also, among Millennials, things like Japanese videogames and anime have a higher influence than previous generations. There’s a lot more cultural pollination.
I’ve never had a guest problem because I rarely have guests, and those I do also are generally from no-shoe houses or just used to it.
Once you start thinking about it, it does become rather gross to sit on a pro-shoe carpet. Someone literally may have walked in dog urine, or bubble gum residue, or some homeless guy’s whatever not 5 minutes ago, and now you’re sitting in it, getting all that sticky goodness onto your hands. I think about it every time I walk into a restroom and here that tac-tac-tac as my shoes stick to the floor. One poster above commented on how terrible it is to have someone waving their socked feet a few feet from your dinner plate… much worse to have dog-poop shoes in the same position. Would you rather stand on X with smelly sweaty socks, or poop shoes?
As far as germs go, I’d say in general that if your environment is less contaminated by germ-bearing substances (dirt, mud, etc) then it has fewer germs. Without taking swabs and cultures on A and B versions of my whole house in multiple weather and temperature conditions (I was once a lab tech) that’s the answer I’d go by. I’m not particularly afraid of germs, but I’m not really interested in cuddling up to them like teddy bears. I mean, you do wash your hands after using the restroom, right? Or do you always go by the “the body can take it” approach to cleanliness? Sure, no-shoe rules may be a stricter interpretation of cleanliness, but it’s still in the ballbark of common sanitary practices.
It also means less time spent cleaning, so it’s a household time saver.
For those who are offended when asked to remove your shoes, please reconsider. It may be offensive when someone asks you to remove your shoes. Would you be equally offended if someone came to visit you in your home and absolutely refused to remove their dripping mud-caked boots after tromping through the cow pasture because it was your responsibility to host them in comfort?
If you aren’t comfortable in someone else’s home, then cut your visit short and find some mutually comfortable location for your next visit. Don’t expect them to re-write house rules for you, especially if those rules relate to the preservation or cleanliness of the household (as shoe rules do).
The comment above about Randall and Carson and smoking as a guest illustrates the house-hold rule point (in the negative). Smoking leaves a lingering odor. If Randall lets Carson smoke in his home as a guest, then Randall will have to put up with the smell (and smoke stains, and cigarette burns) even after Carson leaves. If Randall visits Carson’s house and expects that Carson will refrain from smoking, he is in for a surprise when we walks in the door and smells the ash lingering in the air – even when Carson isn’t smoking. The age-old advice “When in Rome, do as the Romans” still rings true. And if you don’t like Rome, then don’t plan your vacation there.
I’ve been in several homes where I was uncomfortable for various reasons, and I either put up with it for business or I left (sometimes sooner rather than later).
Sorry about your foot issues Neo. If no-shoe homes are a common problem for you, I’d recommend carrying some shoe covers or special indoor-only shoes in your trunk. That’s probably not convenient for you, and I’m sorry.
My sister in law made everyone remove their shoes when they came to get home. I was embarrassed on one visit because it was Summer and I had been working all day and my feet were smelly. My neice walked in and sprayed air freshener. From that day on I refused to visit and she dropped the no shoe requirement.
I’m beginning to think that this thread has people talking at cross purposes.
Is there a difference between pleasing yourself by going unshod (and that includes mocs and house shoes) in the quotidian privacy of your domicile on the one hand, and on the other, expecting people to do the same when you are proffering what is supposedly classifiable as “hospitality?
Do people who insist on everyone else going unshod when invited into the host’s house, recognize any difference between a strictly private portion of the dwelling and a more public space?
It seems only some do.
Let’s look at a couple of the assumptions of one of the latest commenters; as it illustrates this divide pretty well.
Tim Turner on July 15, 2019 at 3:58 am said in part:
Well, right there then we see a fundamental difference that spans several domains. 1st, the commenter is not really offering other people his hospitality or entertaining on any substantial basis. He states himself that he offers comparatively little of it, and when he does choose to allow someone in, the population of guests are pretty much restricted to those who feel just as he does.
Now earlier I was referring to what was regular and habitual entertaining of extended family and also friends at Christmas and other holidays. It certainly does not seem that this person, does anything like that or would have any interest in doing anything like that.
My guess and it is just a surmise, is that he does not sit around a large dining table on the major American holidays for a dinner with family and friends.
It is probably just not part of what he finds important or rewarding.
2nd, he makes an interesting assumption on how that entertaining he is likely to do, would be carried out; and, what sense of responsibility, attitude and even gratitude he anticipates his selected “guests” would likely feel in return for his hospitality if they did wear shoes.
And the answer is apparently: he does not anticipate they would feel much gratitude or care on their own, at all.
If so, and since he seems like a nice guy, I think he deserves a better class of friends
1. Sitting on the floor. I did that as a teen and in my 20’s when stoned with friends. But now? Not so much. I have a couch that I actually sit on rather than just using for a backrest. LOL
2. Apart from heedless children, I’ve never encountered a guest, relative or otherwise, who was so indifferent to the host’s house and property that they would not take care on entering to be sure that their shoes were clean and suitable – for the more public spaces of the house at least.
When I was a boy I had a dog. And when you stepped in dog shit you knew it. And even cleaned up, those shoes were the shoes that remained outside; so yeah … a little common sense, of course. And any normal man with a normal olfactory sense knows within moments of entering an enclosed space, say a tiled entryway, if he has somehow gotten dog shit on his shoe. Like I said … How about a little common sense here?
I happen to have a vacation farm. No livestock, but it does get messy. Boots are cleaned on two different mats outside, and then left on a mat inside.
That’s where mocs and “boat shoes” come in. And if someone wants to walk around in stocking feet there, then fine.
Problem solved, with a little common sense, as I said.
Mr. Tim wrote a thesis: I’m special even without shoes, those who wear shoes inside are not, and I have a fixation on shoe soles. Must be a licker. :0
DNW:
I mostly agree with you.
That sitting on the rug comment got my attention, too.
I am planning another post on this.