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Home » This is what it sounds like when narcissists apologize

This is what it sounds like when narcissists apologize

The New Neo Posted on by

They say things like this:

I sincerely regret that my words were misinterpreted…

A general rule of thumb is that narcissists talk a lot about themselves; “I” this and “I” that–but rarely as the subject of the action verb in an apology. It’s unusual for narcissists to apologize at all, and ordinarily they only do so after a great deal of vigorous arm-twisting. One can only imagine how sore Kerry’s is right now.

In the above sentence Kerry appears to be apologizing for something he did when he starts with the laudable words, “I sincerely regret.” But that’s just a decoy. He’s actually talking about how he feels about the controversial action, not making himself the subject of the action itself.

In Kerry’s sentence, the locus of the offensive action is actually in the listener, not the speaker. The problem is that the listener “misinterpreted” Kerry’s words. A better way to put it would have been for Kerry to have said something like this:

“I sincerely regret that my words led listeners to believe that…. ,”(or)

“I sincerely regret that I used an awkward phrase that conveyed something different than I intended…”, (or)

“I sincerely regret that the words I used sounded as though I meant…”

But if the American Legion accepts his apology, then so do I.

And, by the way, for the record, I believe Kerry’s assertion that what he actually intended was to make a joke about Bush (albeit a lame one, and a “stupid” one, given the fact that Kerry’s college grades were apparently worse than GW’s) rather than to put the troops down for stupidity. I also happen to believe that Kerry does share the common liberal/left belief that the majority of troops are composed of the downtrodden, exploited masses (I’ve discussed such beliefs on the part of liberals and the Left here and here).

But I think Kerry’s an equal-opportunity condescender–he looks down on everyone. Like Pooh-Bah in Gilbert and Sullivan’s “The Mikado,” he can’t help it; he was born sneering:

NANKI-POO: But how good of you, for I see that you are a nobleman of the highest rank, to condescend to tell all this to me, a mere strolling minstrel!

POOH-BAH: Don’t mention it. I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. I can’t help it. I was born sneering. But I struggle hard to overcome this defect. I mortify my pride continually. When all the great officers of State resigned in a body because they were too proud to serve under an ex-tailor, did I not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once?

PISH-TUSH: And the salaries attached to them? You did.

POOH-BAH: It is consequently my degrading duty to serve this upstart as First Lord of the Treasury, Lord Chief Justice, Commander-in-Chief, Lord High Admiral, Master of the Buckhounds, Groom of the Back Stairs, Archbishop of Titipu, and Lord Mayor, both acting and elect, all rolled into one. And at a salary! A Pooh-Bah paid for his services! I a salaried minion! But I do it! It revolts me, but I do it!

NANKI-POO: And it does you credit.

POOH-BAH: But I don’t stop at that. I go and dine with middle-class people on reasonable terms. I dance at cheap suburban parties for a moderate fee. I accept refreshment at any hands, however lowly. I also retail State secrets at a very low figure. For instance, any further information about Yum-Yum would come under the head of a State secret.

[Nanki-Poo takes his hint, and gives him money]

POOH-BAH: [Aside] Another insult and, I think, a light one!

[NOTE TO TROLLS: No, I don’t think Kerry took any bribes or divulged any state secrets, about Yum-Yum or otherwise.]

[ADDENDUM: For those who’ve read the comments section of this thread and are interested in further elaboration on my response to the “you’re motivated by fear” charge, please see this and this.]

Comments

This is what it sounds like when narcissists apologize — 38 Comments

  1. THE PRESIDENT: Let me say something about our troops, Rush. I am… I guess “amazed” is the proper word at how courageous our troops are, and I am amazed at the fact that they are so capable, and that they volunteer in the midst of this war to defend us, and these troops deserve all the support of the United States of America, and they understand as well as anybody that we are making progress in Iraq, and they know when their comrades are out there fighting that they’re bringing enemies to justice. They see that firsthand. The enemy has got an advantage in that by killing innocent people it looks like they’re winning, because it gets on our TV screens. We have taken a measured approach to talking about casualties, but I can assure your listeners: our troops are on the offense, and they’re after an enemy. When they find the enemy and the enemy confronts, we win.

    They can’t beat us on the battlefield. The only way we can lose this is if we leave, and our troops are — the other thing people say, “Well, you know, it’s a long slug and therefore it’s going to be hard to maintain morale in the military.” One: it is going to be a tough fight, but I will tell you something. The morale in our military is high because these young men and women understand the stakes. Reenlistment rates are very high and recruitment rates are strong, which all says to me we’ve got an amazing country when we’ve got people who put on the uniform say, “Put me in. I want to go fight for this country.”–President Bush

    “Please do what you can to send some holiday cheer to our men & women serving in harm’s way this holiday season! 🙂 If you have a blog or website, please consider posting this informtion on your blog or website; if you do not have a blog or website, please forward this on to as many people as you can.”

    Operation: Love from Home

  4. On the contrary, oh loyal troll, this entire blog is somewhat of an apology for my earlier mistakes, back when I voted for people such as Jimmy Carter, and subscribed to views towards which you’d feel much more simpatico.

  8. Thanks, Neo. I found it hard to believe he said “were misinterpreted.” I assume that, unlike the original “joke,” Kerry had to focus his mind closely on the task of crafting a suitable apology. Can I then take his failure to understand the difference between a misstatement and a misinterpretation as an example of his intellectual capacity?

  9. LA:

    And I suppose since sleeping through 9/11, and still with your head in the sand, that you don’t realize you’re making the biggest mistake of all?

  10. neo, I am advancing the suspicion that Kerry was doing THE BEST he could.

    He simply has trouble speaking, or thinking, coherently at time. Awkward, or drug use?

    Why not? He comes from a drug use positive background (Vietnam). Some past or more history of drug use might explain his history of incoherencies.

    Consider: With this comment, Kerry foggily THINKS HE’S making sense.
    He can’t grasp why we don’t understand him..
    That’s the REAL trouble.
    WE’RE just not HEARING him right!

  12. LA:

    I notice from your comment in another thread (one I can’t post to anymore for some bizarre reason) that you state your brother is serving now in Iraq.

    Next time you correspond or speak to him, please thank him for me.

    I’m curious; what were his reasons for going? It’s an all-volunteer army, after all. Does he share your political views? If not, why not? And how does he feel about how things are going? And most interesting of all, how does he feel about you? And John Kerry?

  13. We really should be more compassionate to Ketchup-Kerry, this may be one of his first attempts at apologizing. Undoubtedly he has a group of uneducated peons on staff who apologize for him, perhaps he pays them with a bottle of ketchup. On second thought, these would be Democrats and the poor things don’t even get any free ketchup.

  14. Remember the movie “Wild Bill” with Jeff Bridges? In that movie, one of Hickock’s mottoes was “Never apologize.”

    The other was “Never touch another man’s hat.”

    Like Wild Bill, Kerry never apologizes.(Except when he does.)

    What do you suppose would happen if somebody touched his hat?

  15. Stumbly:

    Am I the one with my head in the sand? It wasn’t my idea to invade Iraq when 9/11 had nothing to do with it.

    His reason for going was that the Army forced him to go. He’s been against this war from the beggining, even more than I have.

    He signed up for the Reserves before the 9/11 attacks.

    We are a family and we love each other. As for Kerry, he hasn’t mentioned it, probably because such things are beneath his notice.

  17. “He signed up for the Reserves before the 9/11 attacks.”

    And what did he think that meant? A little extra cash here and there with no responsibility?

    “It wasn’t my idea to invade Iraq when 9/11 had nothing to do with it.”

    I don’t think anybody ever said Iraq had anything to do with 9/11.

    Please read these, before you blurt back that “Bush lied”:

    http://www.opinionjournal.com/extra/?id=110007540

    http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200401/pollack

  18. Am I the one with my head in the sand? It wasn’t my idea to invade Iraq when 9/11 had nothing to do with it.

    We could have maintained the no-fly zone and starved the Iraqis with sanctions indefinitely!

    How many Iraqi children would you starve in the name of peace?

    (Or at least until France, Germany and Russia got the UN Sanctions lifted and Saddam killed a bunch of Americans)

    His reason for going was that the Army forced him to go. He’s been against this war from the beggining, even more than I have.

    Well, at least he moved-out, if not smartly….

    The Army isn’t just a source of social services, y’know.

    This war was unavoidable. If not now, then later….

  19. Gray…if it could have been done later, and it could have been done anytime, why not do a Bush41?

    The proper way?

    Not this bassackwards Dumbyass way?

  20. “I don’t think anybody ever said Iraq had anything to do with 9/11.”

    stumbley | 11.02.06 – 6:55 pm | #

    Oh, pleeease. Now, you’re just being ridiculous. Are you people for real?

  21. I scanned through a fair amount of dKos on this Kerry flap and found it interesting that a number of the posters believed Kerry meant what he said the first time–the military really is composed of losers–and supported Kerry strongly for telling it like it is.

    They didn’t seem to understand how false and how damaging such a comment is, and that it was not the party line.

    At this point I have no idea what Kerry “really” meant, but it’s clear that whatever he was thinking, he handled the flap badly.

  22. “Gray…if it could have been done later, and it could have been done anytime, why not do a Bush41?”

    Because Bush41’s strategy wasn’t working. In fact, it worked so badly he lost the election to Clinton, when before Desert Storm it seemed the American Communist Party had a better shot at the Presidency than any Democrat.

  23. Spotter – yes Im afraid they are.

    JGR < neo, I am advancing the suspicion that Bush was doing THE BEST he could. He simply has trouble speaking, or thinking, coherently at time. Awkward, or drug use? Why not? He comes from a alcohol and drug use positive background (Dallas, his whole life of non responsibility and getting out of Nam). Some past or more history of alcohol and drug use might explain his history of incoherencies. Consider: With this comment, Bush foggily THINKS HE'S making sense. He can't grasp why we don't understand him.. That's the REAL trouble. WE'RE just not HEARING him right! jgr | 11.02.06 - 3:52 pm | # >

    Yeah….Can’t help but agree jgr.

  24. Earth to Tatterdemalian: WTF?

    In what way did Gulf 1 not work? Then or up to Gulf2? Bush’s strategy was brilliant, copy book statesman and generalisimoship, an object lesson to all grass seed Machiavellians…
    Ok he could have gone to Baghdad but since then we know why he didn’t – cause it’s Dumbya. The alliance had no mandate, it was illegal. End of story. Here they quack on about the rule of law and morality that the left is trying to ‘undermine’ but it seems that their readings are rather selective.

    Bush41 lost to Clinton because of the most successful/precise war in US history that earned Bush41 a wholehearted standing ovation by EVERYONE on Capital Hill? Nothing to do with crap domestic agendas and the terrible terrible domestic front ie. LA riots? Even Ross Perot? Clinton? I know you hate that word.

    Right. Sometimes you make good sense, sometimes you’re just channeling ideology.

    I’m no Republican unless Powell runs – but Bush41’s execution of foreign policy was bloody BRILLIANT.

    So, err no.

  25. Gourney> It always makes me do a double-take when I go to Juan Cole’s blog and see everybody bashing the MSM for being totally, oppressively dominated by neo-cons pushing their political agenda at every opportunity; then I come back here and see everyone bashing the MSM for being totally, oppressively dominated by liberals pushing their political agenda at every opportunity.

  26. Well, that’s because Juan Cole and his loyal readers think Noam Chomsky is too conservative.

    They’re pretty much as far out there as Gourney is. Brilliant foreign policy that left Saddam in power? Whatever.

  27. “‘I don’t think anybody ever said Iraq had anything to do with 9/11.

    stumbley | 11.02.06 – 6:55 pm | #’

    Oh, pleeease. Now, you’re just being ridiculous. Are you people for real?”
    spotter

    spotter, please do yourself a favor: go read the text of the AUMF Against Iraq.

    The “Iraq had something to do with 9/11” meme is nothing other than another concoction of brilliant Democrat strategists aimed at fabricating another “lie” for you to become enraged about.

    You are truely being manipulated by brilliant Democrat strategists, and in the same way they want you to think Bush is doing.

    Get it? It’s an old propagandistic trick, and one of psychological “projection” as well. Spot it.

  28. Neo, the Trolls have spoken, and you must obey. But is there any difference between Trolls and Islamofascists in this regard?

    And for the record, I apologize to all Trolls for any role I might have had in “creating” them.

    If I did it, I shouldn’t have, and I am very sorry about it. It was also a “mistake”, a big one.

    There, that should cover it.

  29. Neo, I always enjoy your writing, but now that you quoted G & S I like it even more 🙂

  30. “You are truely being manipulated by brilliant Democrat strategists, and in the same way they want you to think Bush is doing.

    Get it? It’s an old propagandistic trick, and one of psychological “projection” as well. Spot it.
    J. Peden | Homepage | 11.03.06 – 12:00 pm | #”

    Ummmm, no, I don’t think you know enough to make such an assumption.

    I most definitely remember well the unsubstantiated accusations of Bush Cheney Rice and Powell “linking” AlQaeda and Saddam. Few outside the US believed them because we got to see the contrary factual evidence.

    I think the projection you speak of is in your revisionism.

  32. What? The article about the Inspector General for Iraq’s office being shut down by Bush?

    Read that, but I find the NYT a bit dull and conservative for my taste.

    Why don’t you shut up if you’re not interested? Are you a bit thick maybe?

  33. Come on, spotty. You read the blogs, you’re an intelligent guy/gal…you know which article I’m talking about. And I’m no thicker than you.

    Nice homepage, by the way. Love those peace-loving Palis.

  34. But I think Kerry’s an equal-opportunity condescender–he looks down on everyone. Like Pooh-Bah in Gilbert and Sullivan’s “The Mikado,” he can’t help it; he was born sneering:

    Brilliant, Neo.

    [NOTE TO TROLLS: No, I don’t think Kerry took any bribes or divulged any state secrets, about Yum-Yum or otherwise.]

    Hrm… yum yum, bakers dozen.

    On the contrary, oh loyal troll, this entire blog is somewhat of an apology for my earlier mistakes, back when I voted for people such as Jimmy Carter, and subscribed to views towards which you’d feel much more simpatico.
    neo-neocon | Homepage | 11.02.06 – 3:06 pm | #

    We still love you Neo, even though you aren’t really a Jacksonian and intent on obliterating your enemies. I guess we can overlook that, for now.

    Loyal troll: again with the “fear” thing.

    Get a new meme.
    neo-neocon | Homepage | 11.02.06 – 3:53 pm | #

    It is too bad you can’t edit his name. Apocalypse will have to come first, you know. Before the new thing.

    What do you suppose would happen if somebody touched his hat?
    bugs | 11.02.06 – 4:43 pm | #

    Probably the same thing as with Jimmy Carter and his magic bunnies, bugs.

    His reason for going was that the Army forced him to go. He’s been against this war from the beggining, even more than I have.

    I am telling you neo, these people are selfish. It is all about them, and sometimes about their clannish family. Pretty boondockish don’t you think. It’s a good thing most classical liberals are cosmopolitan, instead of parochial, it makes for better conversation. It is like we are back to MOses’ times, where “our family, right or wrong”. Nothing else matters except the Clan. Sounds a lot like Iraq and their tribes. Man, humanity is so unevolved.

    Because Bush41’s strategy wasn’t working. In fact, it worked so badly he lost the election to Clinton, when before Desert Storm it seemed the American Communist Party had a better shot at the Presidency than any Democrat.
    Tatterdemalian | 11.02.06 – 9:14 pm | #

    The thing is Tatter, OIF 1 was the exact same plan that they would have used to get out Saddam in Gulf War 1. That was why it all collapsed afterwards. The Generals were trying to fight the last war, and we all know what happens then, well except for Bush. Bush didn’t vet it, like he doesn’t veto a lot of things he should veto, like Democrat idiocies.

    They’re pretty much as far out there as Gourney is. Brilliant foreign policy that left Saddam in power? Whatever.
    Tatterdemalian | 11.03.06 – 10:02 am | #

    They are trying to rewrite history, like they were always supporting Reagan and what not, instead of calling him stupid. They aren’t really honest, tatter, not even to themselves. Which is probably why they must lie.

    Get it? It’s an old propagandistic trick, and one of psychological “projection” as well. Spot it.
    J. Peden | Homepage | 11.03.06 – 12:00 pm | #

  35. Get it? It’s an old propagandistic trick, and one of psychological “projection” as well. Spot it.
    J. Peden | Homepage | 11.03.06 – 12:00 pm | #

    Projection is too complex for them, can you explain it in smaller words, Peden?

    If I did it, I shouldn’t have, and I am very sorry about it. It was also a “mistake”, a big one.r
    There is always the Apocalypse Troll option, J.

    Come on, spotty. You read the blogs, you’re an intelligent guy/gal…you know which article I’m talking about

    Stumb, the only blog spotter reads is Neo-Neocon’s. That is what he gets paid for after all. Agent provacateur status has its benefits and perks.

  36. The funny thing is, they use Bush 41’s record to attack his son, which Bush 41 hates. Great trick. I’m writing that one down in my book of propaganda tricks, in case I ever get a chance to deal the Left some of their own medicine.

  37. classic John Kerry apology! “I’m sorry that everyone except me is so STUPID. What a GRAVE BURDEN it is to be so much better than you NOTHINGS.” apology accepted, John.

  38. by the way, Senator Kerry has many nicknames here in Massachusetts. one of them is DOYOUKNOWWHOIAM?

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