Biden and the fountain of youth
Over the years, there have been plenty of remarks like this one about Biden’s increasingly feeble state:
I don’t think Biden could get through a day without being told where to go and what to do. Not just being told what to do in the sense of, today you give a speech on education to a group of teachers. Told what to do in the sense of, where to stand.
This sort of discussion hasn’t been completely lost on Biden, however. For example, when campaigning, he sometimes used to challenge people to a wrestling match. But now he’s decided to take a more pro-active approach and has announced he soon will be getting a transfusion of young blood – specifically, young plasma. Here’s Biden on the subject:
I know I’m not getting any younger – but neither are any of you, ha ha! All jokes aside, I’ve reached the big eight-o, and although I’m completely hale and hearty I’ve decided to up my game a little more. The transfusion will come from a thirty-year-old man who lives in Scranton, Pennsylvania, the wonderful town in which I was born. This will give me a populist boost, too, which can’t hurt, even though Trump will be a jailbird by the time of the 2020 – I mean 2024 – election and no threat to me at all.
Oops, they told me I wasn’t supposed to say anything about Trump’s arrest. Oh well; after my transfusion, “they” won’t be controlling me any more. I’m kicking them to the curb and flexing my new muscles. Joe Biden unleashed and unfettered will be an even better president than the old Joe has been so far – although I know it’s hard to believe I could be any better than I’ve already been.
Speaking of “better,” I’m dumping that babbling bore Kamala. Boy, was that lady a mistake. And by the time of the election she’ll be sixty years old. I need to trade her in for someone younger, and there are plenty of candidates who fit the bill: female, minority, youthful.
And Jill, you’re next for a trade-in!
Just kidding, honey. Trying to keep you on your toes.
His speech was met with hearty applause.
I am so happy that all the personal and societal troubles haven’t destroyed your sense of humor!
Problem is, speaking seriously, it’s not clear that Biden realizes there’s anything wrong with him.
Glad to see you maintaining tradition this gloomy April morning.
KJP will be getting a truth serum vaccine too. Happy April first.
This would be a very encouraging speech — encouraging to the entire nation — if it were given on any other day of the year. Oh well, we can dream, can’t we?
Good one. Close enough to what Biden might actually want to say. The I looked at the calendar. 🙂
Can Joe get a brain and soul transplant?
I thought I’d spotted this from the title, but a good head-fake in the opening made me wonder … for a bit.
He will be receiving a transfusion from a black Puerto Rican transwoman.
I’ve never been able to dismiss the rumor that, in his heroin days, Keith Richards would periodically go to a secret clinic in Switzerland to have his blood entirely transfused.
Problem is, speaking seriously, it’s not clear that Biden realizes there’s anything wrong with him.
==
That’s the signature of an Alzheimer’s type dememtia.
I was ready (and anticipating) this time, neo!
Thanks for upholding the April 1st tradition.
“You can’t fool me, there *is* no sanity clause!”
— Chico Marx, near the end of the video excerpt:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbUDSxJFsDA
M J R
All good satire, like this, has a base in reality, carried to extremes. I have seen reports of medical research and the benefits of “young” blood for the aging. The Babylon Bee often does this — starts with a halfway plausible proposition and makes it ridiculous. Well done.
I fell for it!
Happy April Fool’s Day Boss.
I second Kate. Great writing.
Oldie but goodie: the Ticino spaghetti harvest, first broadcast by the BBC in 1957, and posted a few years back by Gerard (who else?):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVo_wkxH9dU&ab_channel=MySwitzerland
You almost got me! I was a few lines into the Biden “quotation” when the truth dawned on me. The trouble was, of course, that it was all too close to possible that he really would say something like that.
I’m glad your sense of humor is alive and well.
Very good, I almost fell for it!
You had me for a second there. I couldn’t figure out why Biden would admit to getting blood transfusions after he spent so much time denying that he drank the blood of children. But when I saw the part about “dumping that babbling bore Kamala,” I knew you were kidding. Dropping Kamala won’t be Biden’s decision and he wouldn’t talk about it now. Does he really know that she is boring and babbling? Doesn’t that cut too close to his own babbling and boringness? I think Biden may not be satisfied with Kamala, but he’s so far gone that he can’t articulate exactly why he feels that way.
The problem is, this is not really unbelievable.
i’m reminded of when dana carvey, did a similar number on snl, showing a much more vigorous bush, who took charge,
Have to admit you had me there. The perfect April Fool’s joke: fake but accurate!
Avril Poisson!
@ Scott > “Avril Poisson!”
Carp, I suppose?
(in-joke for Hoyt’s Hoydens)
@ Kate > “The Babylon Bee often does this — starts with a halfway plausible proposition and makes it ridiculous. ”
https://redstate.com/mike_miller/2023/03/26/when-satire-becomes-reality-nearly-100-babylon-bee-pieces-have-become-fulfilled-prophecies-n721573
Sadly, almost everything in the news today reads like a story from the Bee.
It’s hard to parody the clown world.
Sometimes the Serendipity Department works overtime.
https://accordingtohoyt.com/2023/03/31/all-still-the-same/#comment-911409
Follow the thread for some amusing conversation.
Actually sounds less like an April Fool’s joke than most things Joe actually utters…
Neo; this is so “fake but accurate” that you should consider a second career working in the MSM.
Neo,
You better watch out. Jokes which the Regime finds offensive are now illegal. You will be tossed into jail if you’re funny enough to annoy the Regime.
Douglass Mackey, a.k.a. Ricky Vaughn, has been convicted for telling jokes. His lawyer is confident of reversal.
“Today’s verdict proves that the defendant’s fraudulent actions crossed a line into criminality and flatly rejects his cynical attempt to use the constitutional right of free speech as a shield for his scheme to subvert the ballot box and suppress the vote.” – U.S. Attorney Peace
If they are offended, it’s hate speech and not constitutionally protected.
well they used the alpine lace thin veneer, that they were encouraging an illegal act, but as others have pointed out, false encouragements by progs are not prosecuted,
Chocolate Chip Man visits Rolling Stone.
I could tell this was a joke speech for April Fool’s Day not because it was ridiculous, but because he didn’t mention ice cream or make inappropriate remarks to little girls.
It is a sad commentary on the state of our Republic that so many people (including me) believed this when I first read it. Nothing that the Bidenistas do would surprise me, they are that far gone into the abyss.
I think he discovered the fountain of stupid.
Hes like the senior vampire in underworld
Gets a little close to the adrenochrome theme.